The Many Adventures of Hannah: September 2011

If you guessed underwear...well, you're creeping me out.

No more glasses or contacts for me!!! Yipee!!!!! Let me recount my eye surgery experience for the masses!

I opted for the 8am slot so get this darn thing over with so I wouldn't have to be sitting around anxious all day long! So bright eyed and bushy tailed, my chauffer (thanks Jim) and I made our way to LasikPlus! After 2 horrific weeks of looking like some sort of Velma/Tina Fey love child (Jinkies Scooby!) I was ready to be done with my coke bottle glasses. I first got glasses in 1st grade!!! Kids still thought it was funny to call you 4 eyes. Is it sad that nearly 20 years later I can remember that and still harbor some resentment? Hmmm, pathetic much? Anyway, enough of my adolescent angst- on with the surgery!

They did a quick recheck of my eyes to make sure nothing has changed since I bid adieu to contacts and gave me a kick-ass surgical cap to wear (as if I didn't get enough of them at work...)

When I got into the "Laser Suite" (which sounds much more luxurious than is actually is) the surgeon (aka "laser guru") told me everything that was going to be going down. Although I knew on paper what was happening, it is a lot different actually having it done. The worst part by far was when they put this ring on your eye around your iris. They had to pry my eye lids so far apart to get it on it was very uncomfortable. Not in a "OW YOU'RE STABBING ME" kind of pain but more like a "OW THAT BLOOD PRESSURE CUFF IS REALLY TIGHT AROUND MY ARM" kind of pain. One they managed to fit what felt like a hula hoop sized ring around my little beady eye they turned on the pressure and it pushed down dimming my vision in order to cut a flap off my eye before lasering. It didn't hurt, but it was definitely bizarre and uncomfortable. It only took 2 minutes per eye (thank god!) and then the actual lasering part was a breeze. I'd like to say I was cool as a cucumber through all of this, but I was shaking like a leaf! It's a natural reaction to want to close your eyes when something scary is happening, and it's a very odd feeling to not be ab;e to do so and to be completely aware of every little bit of trauma happening to your eyes! Yuck! but it was super quick! Next thing I know I was being shuffled out with the promise of impending eye burning of biblical proportions as soon as the numbing drops wore off! In massive fear of this burning pain, I closed my eyes as soon as I got into the car and didn't open them again until 4 hours later when I awoke from my nap (this included being blind guided into my apartment and aimed in the direction of the toilet). Needless to say, the burning was hardly anything. The worst part was definitely the stupid pressure eye ring thing. Knowing everything I know now, if I went back in time, I would definitely do it again. Why? CAUSE I CAN SEE!!!!!!!! 4 minutes of discomfort for years and years without the hassle of glasses and contacts? So worth it! So if any of you are considering it, don't let fear hold you back!

My new routine. eye drops, eye drops and more eye drops. You better start preparing for an intervention.

On the plus side, I got some kick ass goggles and sunglasses I have to wear. And what better way to make the best out of a very unfashionable time than to laugh about it!?